The Hot Shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

The Perfect Scam

Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.

The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."

Who said making a garden was hard?

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

Flooring Ferrari

Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop, he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop.

Giving up he pulled over.The cop approached the car," Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen"

"Well, he stated, " Just last week my wife ran off with a cop."

"SO WHAT!!!" the cop screamed.

"I thought you were trying to bring her back."

First job

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.""How's that?" the would be accountant asked."I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.""I see," the accountant said.

"And how much will my position pay?""I'll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the owner decisively."Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry. Now get to fuckin' work!"

Office blooper

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

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